Whether you are a person of faith or not, I want to start this week off by saying, thank you so much for reading. When starting this series on relationships I challenged myself to five pieces. I know these have not been posted weekly as I am understanding the struggle in time management, but I am grateful for those of you who do take the time to read. Coming up to the finish line, there is so much I want to share about my views as they pertain to intimate relationships and I see a need and purpose to share my views in-depth. That piece will come in time. I will however, share with you this week how the book I read, The Bible, talks about relationships between man and women, compare these points with Good Orderly Direction, and I hope through rationale, that we can see how we can create healthy relationships in or out of a spiritual relationship with Christ.
We started this series talking about family relations and legacy. The book say, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
Whether you have parents in your life or not, it is important that we have role models in our life. We should seek relationship with a guardian to help protect and guide us. In some beliefs, we are granted guardian angels, those can be in the form of parent figures in our life. For us to leave a father and mother or guardian, the book implies that we should have relation with these two figures.
As I have matured into adulthood, I have been blessed with an opportunity to develop a deep, intimate relationship with my foster parents. A couple years ago they celebrated 50 years of marriage and I took the opportunity as one of their children to reflect on how they were able to reach such a milestone. What I noticed was that my mother loved everyone of her children with all her heart and everything she had. She gave, served and loved unconditionally. My father, he served her, provided for her and supported her. He helped with direction and coaching with us kids, but his service was ultimately to ensure she had all the tools and things she needed to love unconditionally. This brings us to love.
The book says, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength'. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:30-31
If we go back to our first message in this series G.O.D. can be interpreted as Good Orderly Direction. If we have a relationship with our guardian, they should be a great source of Good Orderly Direction. If you have a relationship with God, then we have an opportunity to love Him with everything, unconditionally. Likewise, the suggestions we receive from our guardians or parents, we should cling to those directions with all we have as well.
I have been flirting with this idea of a romantic relationship outside of expectation and compromise. It sounds far fetched to those who have not experienced unconditional love. Can you imagine a relationship where you love and care for someone for the sake of desire to love them and expecting nothing in return? And can you imagine in return, that they too strive to love you unconditionally with no expectation of return? Where did these unspoken rules come from? "I did this for you so I deserve you to respond and do this for me." This is an example of how broken this world has become. Lets get back to love the way G.O.D. intended it. Lets love because love makes the world a beautiful and better place.
If you are in a relationship or marriage and it is struggling, look at the house or relationship you have built. On what foundation is the relationship built on? Houses built on sand will wash away when storms come. Houses built on a rock will stand. Find some good rocks in your life or guardians and open up to them build those relationships and heed their suggestions (extra points if they love Jesus). Also take inventory of yourself and how you love. Take inventory of all actions you take in the relationship or marriage. Do you walk with love, talk with love, eat with love, etc? Do you love without expectation? Do you compromise or settle with expectation? Relationships are not easy and marriages are not any easier. It is never too late to learn to love just to love. Be that servant and know you gave it all you got.
It is hard to talk love and relationship and not talk about intimacy. There is a study conducted by Desmond Morris and he designed Twelve Steps of Intimacy. Desmond is a zoologist and studied animals and how they related to each other. These steps are definitely worth a read and they draw out how intimate we can be with each other before things become physical. I have challenged myself to enjoy these steps of intimacy with no rush in moving through the steps. I have found myself in sexual relationships that are void of emotion and I hated it so much. I desire so much the intimacy and emotional connection with a partner and great sex.
The first step of sexual physical intimacy Desmond points out is mouth to breast. A mother nursing a child allows herself this high level of vulnerability as the child is feeding. The child in turn sees this relation as this female is giving me life, she is feeding me what I need to survive and it’s a beauty to be respected. At the same time as adults, this vulnerability and desire for life can be beautiful too, but only at the right time.
This is what the book says, "…Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave…" Matthew 26-28 Context? Servitude.
My application of this scripture is that I want great sex and I want to experience to love, appreciation and beauty as the step above. And for me to get that, I need to make physical sexual intimacy my slave and lock it up. If I focus on relationship and develop that on a great and strong foundation, the great sex is a result of that.
Its crazy to think I can say Jesus and sex in the same sentence and I am grateful to have this opportunity because these things need to be talked about. There is a G.O.D. way of doing things and a natural way of doing things. Can we get to the same place with an unbridled passion for love? Sure, but how many people do we hurt in our wake? If we truly want to be loved we need to learn how to love our neighbor. Learn to appreciate them and your enemies.
Navigating life is hard. We hear things like you should not buy a car without taking it for a test drive and that is in direct contradiction to the book if we are to trust in Him for all things. And even more so if we relate that to sex. Where then do we draw the line if we want to honor God? Is there middle ground? I urge you to develop relationship with a guardian, call them your guardian angel if you would like and take these questions to them. I urge you to love without expectation and learn to do it with everyone around you; work, home, school, everywhere. And I challenge you to take the right steps of intimacy and search "12 steps of intimacy." If you use those steps as a blueprint, take the opportunity to cherish each step as they come naturally with no rush to proceed to the next. Stop and smell the roses. I will say this, I have an amazing relationship with Jesus Christ. I love him and he loves me more than I deserve and there is no sex involved. I love you and appreciate that you have taken the time to read this.
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